What Do Women Really Want?

what women wantCan anyone possibly answer the question of what women really want?  It certainly is a question for the ages!  I wrote a blogpost entitled, “What Do Men Really Want In Relationships?” and I received a great deal of feedback about it.  It sparked a strong reaction, both in women that loved it and women that hated it.  No one was on the fence.

And interestingly enough, there was only one male response. In that post, I promised a sequel, speaking about what women want, and after long contemplation I have finally written it.

You might ask, who am I to say what women want, being a man and all?  I’ve worked with many a women over my last twenty years as a psychotherapist (statistically, about 80% of psychotherapy patients ARE indeed women).  My private practice these days is about 50% couples and the rest are clients mainly with relationship issues.  So, I’ve heard both sides of this story for a very long time.

So I feel somewhat competent and qualified to share my perspective on what women want from their PARTNER in a relationship.  Most of my clinical experience is with heterosexual women, though I have worked with a few dozen lesbian couples over the years.

And what women want in a relationship seems pretty consistent, across the board.  I originally started writing this article by talking about the qualities a women wants in a partner, but changed my focus as it has been written about ad nauseum already (women want safety, security, a partner they can trust, a partner with certainty, a partner with a mission,  yada, yada, yada …).  All are true and yet they are more effects of this one other component.

The primary ingredient  that a woman wants in a relationship is: CONNECTION. The other pieces all flow from that.  Connection is what makes a woman FEEL safe and secure, what makes her feel important and special, cherished and adored, and especially LOVED.

Women want to feel INCLUDED in their relationship.  Included in decision-making, included in the shared vision that they create with their partner, included in their partner’s heart, included in the lovemaking.  Women in general want to be made love WITH, not made love TO!

What women want is to be accepted by their partner.  Accepted for who they ARE and accepted for who they are NOT.  We all have enough insecurities without our partner adding to the list.  And this, after all (at least to me) is the ultimate definition of LOVE: to be accepted for who you are and who you are not.

And we can take that even one step further if we really want to go the distance!  We can not only accept our partners for who and what they are and are not, we can CHERISH our partners for these qualities.  We can APPRECIATE them for these qualities.  We can even ADORE them for these qualities.

Oh yes, there is this one caveat though.  Unfortunately (for most men, at least), connection with a woman often begins with the “T” word: TALKING!  And therein lies a big dilemma.  Which I will have to write about another time 😉

So ladies (and gentlemen) what is your reaction to what I’m saying, to what I calling “what women want” ?  Does it make sense?  Do you agree?  Do you believe I’m full of it?  Please let me know.

Thank you so much,

Dr. Adam Sheck


  1. This real makes sense as in relationship and lasting one connection between the partners is required and is achieved through communication. kudos

  2. I think you are right. Women really want to be heard. There is a myth about this–too long to post here–but the woman h was half hag half princess. Because the prince asked her what SHE wanted she became all princess.

    • Carroll,
      Yes, the myth was about one of King Arthur’s knights I think and she wanted to have choice.
      Thanks for sharing,

  3. I like all of these Adam.Different women like different things but I think all you listed above will be on someone’s list.Being cherished and respected rank high with me.Thanks for sharing.

  4. Lola says: Yep. I wrote a blog post about a man over 50 who DID NOT get the memo on this one. He was so far off base that he was off the planet. I summarize at the end of this article (after getting “schooled”) by him on what women want, the essence of what it is that women REALLY want. Women want to be loved. They want to know that they are the center of a man’s world and that nothing will change that love. Your article takes that to the next level by giving practical ways of doing this. I, for one, am glad to see it. The full story is here. And it’s true, too!

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