I'm Dr. Adam Sheck, and I'd like to welcome you to the "Men After Fifty" Community! Living for more than half a century on this planet is a rite of passage and I wanted to create a place where we can share our wisdom and experience to help each other and to help those who matter in our lives. As true for many "men after fifty", I've had a number of careers over my … [Read More...]
Are Dominant Men Better In Bed?
Are More Dominant and Attractive Men Better In Bed?
This has been a fascinating question that has been open for debate for a long, long time. It’s probably only second to the “does size really matter” question. From a biological perspective, it certainly would seem that the more “dominant” males will be better breeding stock and so will be more desirable to females. On the other hand, our more “civilized” society would like us to believe that a more sensitive, caring man would make a better lover.
Well, wonder no longer, Penn State University completed a study of 110 heterosexual couples to find out the quality of female orgasm (a big factor in promoting conception) as a function of male dominance and attractiveness. And the results are in!
The male partners were rated according to objective attractiveness (face symmetry) as well as observer and partner rated scales of attractiveness, masculinity and dominance. The study “found that women reported more frequent and earlier-timed orgasms when mated to masculine and dominant men”. Women reported experiencing orgasm more often during or after male orgasm when with these “high-quality” men.
What does this mean for relationships? Since the “average” woman will be with an “average” man with “average” attractiveness and dominance, does this mean that they will have an “average” sex life with “average” orgasms?
While this study validates some of my experience in working with couples over the last twenty years, it doesn’t have to be a “death sentence” for relationships and passion. What it means to me is that while it is important for us to recognize our genetic and biological factors in the context of relationships, there are also OTHER factors that are important as well.
Yes, we are “predisposed” with certain biological imperatives and tendencies. AND, we also have certain psychological tendencies as well that often compete with our biology (see my article, “What Side Of The Bed Do YOU Sleep On?”).
It is good to be aware of our biology in this case of “better in bed” just as it is important to consider biology in the case of monogamy and commitment in relationships. AND, we also have choice and free will.
We CAN choose to be more intimate emotionally and sexually with our partner. We CAN choose to be better lovers and learn how to express ourselves more fully in this important area of relationship. Half of my private counseling practice consists of helping couples create more passion in their relationships.
What do YOU think about the Penn State study? What’s YOUR experience of attractiveness, dominance and being good in bed? I’d love to hear your comments.
Thank you so much,
Dr. Adam Sheck
If you’d like to know more about my work keeping the passion alive in your relationship, please download my Free Special Report, “20 Rituals For Romance!” at www.freepassiontips.com
Honestly, I feel this is going to be a matter of opinion. Some women don’t like dominant men and are not turned on by them especially in bed. Personally though, I’m a girl who prefers a guy who will take charge, knows what he’s doing and yet still puts my needs on the top of his priority list.
You are also correct in that people can choose to have better relationships and better sex. When you make both a priority both improve.
Not being a woman, I can’t give an opinion from that perspective, yet the research and the theory of evolutionary psychology seem to agree about the verdict on this one. AND, everyone is different, research just documents patterns and trends, not absolutes.
Thanks so much for sharing,