It Takes BALLS To Face The Issues Of Midlife & Beyond!
I'm Dr. Adam Sheck, and I'd like to welcome you to the "Men After Fifty" Community! Living for more than half a century on this planet is a rite of passage and I wanted to create a place where we can share our wisdom and experience to help each other and to help those who matter in our lives. As true for many "men after fifty", I've had a number of careers over my … [Read More...]
I LOVE Women Over 40!I’ve got to confess: I LOVE women over forty! I know you’ll think I’m a freak for defying my evolutionary instincts and not joining the rest of the boring crowd in going for the hot, anorexic, airbrushed, implanted girls in vogue these days. Feel free to mock me if you’d like.
Pretty much, I have always loved them. I love ALL women, it’s just how I roll, but over forty – the BEST! I’ve had sex with them, I’ve married them, I’ve had children with them – NOT necessarily in that order!
As a psychologist, analytically I can trace it back to my mother issues. Like Freud might have said, “If it’s not one thing, it’s your MOTHER!”
Mine was strong, independent, and had a crazy sex life in her fifties and sixties and beyond that would make you green with envy. She was also a narcisstic, self-involved, alcoholic, but there had to a few reasons I became a psychotherapist.
And at the age of twenty-five, I had an incredibly intense, mind-blowing, life-altering summer affair with a forty year old, Ph.D., marathon running dynamo of a woman. Is it nature or nurture for my desire for the over forty woman then? Who knows?
And, who CARES! It is what it is, and it doesn’t really need to be any different. In fact, as a man in my early fifties, it may even be appropriate in the eyes of society, not that I’ve ever given a rat’s ass about that. In fact, I’ve probably been more of a rebel/outcast as far as society is concerned.
All I know is that it WAS the truth and now more than ever IS the truth. Yes, I’ve had the cliche midlife fling with a woman sixteen years younger than I, but I seemed to go back to my “type” after that (and even during to be brutally honest).
The over forty woman has had experience. She’s felt deep love and deep pain and loss already. She appreciates who she is and who she is WITH. She knows what she wants and she isn’t afraid to ask for it. In her career, in her relationship, and IN THE BEDROOM!
It’s like that great song from the Broadway musical, “The Music Man”.
I smile, I grin, when the gal with a touch of sin walks in.
I hope, I pray, for Hester to win just one more ‘A’
The sadder but wiser girl’s the girl for me.
I want someone who’s had experience, who’s made mistakes, survived them, lived to tell about them and ready to MAKE NEW MISTAKES with me! And learn and grow from them.
And yes, I’ve outed myself as the one straight man in Los Angeles who loves Broadway musicals
She is clear and asks for what she wants, no guessing games required. I’m fairly psychic on the good days and yet I much prefer communication.
In knowing and truly owning who she is, she is incredibly sexy. That has ALWAYS transcended appearance to me.
There is a great piece called, “In Praise of Older Women” written by Frank Kaiser, but often erroneously attributed to Andy Rooney. Some of my favorite parts are:
An additional truth for me now, is that as a man in my early fifties, a woman in her forties is a younger woman! So I can align with my desires AND my biological imperative. I can have my cake and eat it, too! Note: I’m not discouraging or ruling out women my age and beyond as well. As I said, I truly do LOVE women.
I welcome your thoughts and comments,
Thank you Adam for your thought provoking blog. Yes, Women over 40 DO have a certain attractiveness to them.
Adam Sheck, you are my kind of man. You appreciate the value of life experience and how that can enhance a relationship in ways that one cannot possibly imagine until you experience them directly. I am glad to know there is one awake man in the world, it gives me hope there are more and I am sure there are! I look forward to the delight of meeting them. <3
As a 47 year old divorced woman who has recently returned to the dating scene via Internet dating, your article helped explain my questions. The majority of the responses I have received are those of men younger than me. My first indication was that they were prowling for sex though only one had explained to me the maturity, confidence & experience as reasons they are interested in a woman over 40. I thank you for putting this to word to help me understand more & hence, have more fun with it!!!!!
Stacy,
Welcome back to the dating scene! It’s challenging at ANY age and in 2012 it’s crazier than ever. I’m so glad that this article helped give you a context. And as you say, the best path is to have FUN with it! Keep me posted.
Adam
Dear Adam
Bravo! Bravo! As the lady above said “your my kind of man” and my kind of psychotherapist.
I have for the past 20 years or more, tried to educate both men and women that once you reach 40, life starts not ends. I started by teaching groups as a Health professional (Health Education / Promotion Officer) with a local UK NHS department and then privately as a health and sexual therapist.
Even though I am always being told I look 48, I am actually 58 and a half and extremely proud of the fact that as
as therapist I have over the years, helped both men and women over 40 and older to realise that as their bodies change, they can still enjoy sex and sexual activity, making them feel more alive, less stressed, more in tune with life and most of all happy.
In fact I agree that most over 40’s women know what we want and what to do in the bedroom, no more he has to do this to me, for me to do that to him, if I want to do something, I do it, if it doesn’t appeal to me then I don’t, I feel the same goes for him. Its about enjoying each other one every level and you cant get that if one of you feels forced into something they are not comfortable with, but then again, as I always say, you never know “so why not suck it and see” 🙂
Passion is not just for the bedroom, its for life.
Adam I congratulate you on the most amazing article and from the over 40 women’s populations of the world – I thank you for being a truely enlightened man ( and loving musicals)
Take care and thanks for the laugh, giggles and fun you put into your article.
Much love Sue x
Sue,
Thanks so much for your glowing comments, I truly appreciate them both from a female perspective AND from a fellow professional. Communication is our tool, the Internet has power and I hope to share my voice in helping men and women continue to live passionate lives.
Thanks again,
Adam
As a woman who loves a man well over 40 I can relate to this.
I love the bit from The Music Man.
And being almost 40 myself – I have this feeling that my thirties were filled with a feeling of proving myself. I am actually looking forward to moving over that age transgression. I am beginning to like the idea of it.
Nicole,
Glad you can relate. And have to tell you, from my experience at least, you are JUST getting started 🙂
Take care,
Adam
Well Adam,
EVERY single day of my life bears out the truth of virtually every statement you’ve so accurately made above. Thank you for the reminder, that those of us lucky enough to be with adults actually get far more… woops! Gotta go! ; )
Geoffrey,
All we can do is spread the word to the unenlightened 🙂
Hit that share/forward button!
Peace,
Adam
I loved your article it rang true on so many levels. I am a 54 year woman and more alive than ever! I feel I am just starting to live my life my way. I loved my 40’s and experienced a new level of freedom but my 50’s are definitely the fabulous years! I just really know myself and what I value and want and I see things so clearly. I love that you represent the gorgeous men in the world that really understand a woman. Light to you and your work! Smiles
Lily
Lily,
Thanks so much for your kind words.
Adam
Thank you and once again, smiles, and being 46, I can relate to being more settled, confident, and not, ummm, too worried about stuff. But of course I do have to say that a few women can bring it at any age, but we definitely can bring more to the table in our 40’s!
I feel amazing and like I am 26, not 46, and if women in their 40’s could grasp the fact that these are the best years forward and feel the sexiness within themselves, then age would never come up in conversations….(unless it is whether to date the guy 11.5 years younger, which I did 😉 )
Tricia,
Good for you! If you’re ever interested in writing about your experiennces as a woman after 40, I’d love to have you do a guest blogpost, either on the Men After Fifty site or my Passion101.com blog, whichever is most appropriate.
Think about it,
Adam
Adam,
This blog had me dancing around my living room! I will turn 39 in a few weeks and while getting older hasn’t previously been an issue for me the past few months my mind had certainly tried to turn it in to one.
Your writing gave me the chance to acknowledge all the freedoms I have gained in getting older. That coupled with a few “Damn Straight”s on your observations brought the clarity back on who I am and who I am choosing to become!
With the complete awarenes that I may not TOTALLY rock for another yeIar or so, I do appreciate the reminder that I am well on my way!!
Julie,
So glad this blogpost had you DANCING! Can’t remember a bigger compliment to my writing. You ROCK and don’t forget it!
And, I’m not an ageist, you ROCK right now, don’t forget it AND don’t wait another year to totally embrace it!
Damn Straight!
Adam