It Takes BALLS To Face The Issues Of Midlife & Beyond!
I'm Dr. Adam Sheck, and I'd like to welcome you to the "Men After Fifty" Community! Living for more than half a century on this planet is a rite of passage and I wanted to create a place where we can share our wisdom and experience to help each other and to help those who matter in our lives. As true for many "men after fifty", I've had a number of careers over my … [Read More...]
What Makes A Man After Fifty Sexy? Guest Blog By Sandy WeinerWhen I was in my twenties, I couldn’t imagine associating the word ‘sexy’ with anyone over thirty. Over fifty? Gross! My perspective certainly has shifted now that I’m in my fifties and dating again after divorce. I feel sexier and happier than ever before. And I have dated many men who are quite sexy into their fifties and sixties. They certainly don’t need to look like George Clooney, who comes up as the sexiest man over fifty in a Google search. So, what makes men over fifty sexy?
1. Confidence, Confidence, Confidence! I believe that the number one quality that makes a man sexy at any age is self-confidence. A man over fifty has lived a good chunk of his life. If it’s been a good life and he’s happy with who he’s become, he is much more sexy. He shows it in the way he dresses and moves, the way he sits and the way he talks. His body language says, “I’m confident about who I am.” He smiles easily. And that ease and comfort make him über sexy!
2. Brains. I find it sexy when a man is smart, has strong opinions and is not afraid to express them. But it’s not a one-sided conversation. He also wants to hear what you have to say. I’m not impressed by how many degrees he has or what Ivy League college he attended. He’s street smart, has common sense and a never-ending thirst for knowledge. It’s a bonus if he writes well, especially when he writes me a sexy/romantic email!
3. Boldness. It excites me when a man is not afraid to be bold, to take charge, to make plans, in short, to be ‘manly’. This guy tells you how he experiences you. There’s no guessing. He tells you that he finds you to be the whole package; sexy, smart, pretty, inspiring. When you’re out together in public, he’ll whisper in your ear what he wants to do to you later. That’s a turn on! He’ll grab you and kiss you in public, openly displaying his desire for you. Conversely, if a man leaves it up to me to decide whether I want to pursue him, which several men have done, I am immediately turned off. I don’t want to play games, but I also crave the old-fashioned man who likes to hunt in the relationship. The feminist movement has done wonders in the workplace for women, but it’s also messed with romance. Give me a take-charge guy any day over one who’s passive. That’s sexy!
4. Passion. Whether it’s about his work or his life, a man with passion is a big turn-on. Over the age of fifty, some men have kind of given up on life. They’re tired, and they are looking forward to retiring, golfing, and sitting in front of the TV in a big easy chair, slugging down a few brewskies every night. Shoot me! I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than be with a man who has no passion or vitality. I love a man who’s excited about life and all the possibilities for a bright and exciting future, even if he does retire. For me, there is a sexiness to living a full, passionate life. Bring it!
5. Fun. Girls just want to have fun. At least this girl does! Being playful brings out the teenager in both of us, which makes our relationship alive and sexy. Remember the hormones that raged in your teens? They come rushing back when you can access that carefree, fun, puppy love aspect to your relationship. And that’s very sexy.
6. Kindness And A Good Heart. Ultimately, all the sexy qualities in a guy don’t mean anything if the man doesn’t have integrity. A man I once dated described himself as a Tootsie Roll pop ~ hard on the outside, soft on the inside. I loved that analogy. I am looking for just that, a macho take charge guy who has a soft, kind, sweet heart. I love a romantic who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable. Because ultimately, the more open and honest the man, the more loving the relationship will be. And that is so sexy!
What do you think is sexy in a man over fifty? Please share your comments below.
You have pegged this so very perfectly! I couldn’t agree with you more about what makes a mature man sexy. I think the passion factor is the most difficult to find. Too many guys I’ve met are just satisfied with their big comfy couches and fridges full of beer and just want someone to fit on the couch cushion next to them. I’m with you — I choose being alone over that. Thanks for writing this!
Laleh,
Glad you concur. I’m not saying that i’ve found this perfect sexy guy who has all of these traits. I’d be happy with one or two. But passion is a really important one for me. And yes, many are missing that.
Good luck finding a sexy guy!
Laleh,
Thanks for sharing your agreement with Sandy. I think it’s important for men to understand what women are seeking and the converse as well. That’s how we can engage in dialogue and TRULY get AND give what we want.
Take care,
Adam
thanks Sandy for sharing your personal idea on what makes a man sexy. I recognize that it is just opinion and doesn’t speak for any other woman than you. I do take exception to the general tone of your ideas. It strikes me that you have fallen into the classic delusion of the age that was just past…the era of you can have it all. In this case you talk about a man who takes charge/ bold but is soft in the inside, he is playful like the hormones of youth but is 50/60 years, he is confident from having lived a good life (what if it hasn’t turned out the way hoped for?), and he wants you to be the whole package (therapists tell us not to expect everything from a romantic partner). It seems to me that you are desiring a man who is just like he was in his twenties/ thirties but is 50+. We all change. Maybe by this time of life one develops the discernment that finds less than perfect, good enough. After all we all need to look in the mirror.
Hi Ran,
Thanks for weighing in on this topic. Yes, these are my personal thoughts on what makes a man sexy, but apparently, the comment above comes from a woman who agrees with my points, so that makes at least two of us.
So, you think I am delusional to think I can have it all? I don’t think it’s delusional to want a man who is bold, smart, passionate, loving and kind. I don’t know about you, but I am 56 and I’ve never felt more confident and passionate about my work and my life in general. I have tons of energy and love to have fun, even without the hormones of my twenties. I get more compliments on my intelligence, beauty and sexiness than I did when I was younger.
Is it unrealistic to expect the same in a man? I think not. Yes, we all change, and that’s a good thing. I don’t want a man who is stuck in the immaturity of his 20’s or 30’s. I want a mature, wonderful man who has learned from the hard knocks of his life ~ just like I have.
I am looking in the mirror. I am not trying to hide my age. I don’t inject Botox into my face. I exercise and eat healthy. I embrace my fifties. I am seeking a partner who is wonderful because of his flaws, not a man without any. Sorry you got the wrong idea.
Right…..ON!!!
Michael,
Sandy IS great, isn’t she?
Adam
Ran,
Thanks for your thoughtful feedback. Yes, expectations CAN put a lot of pressure on a man in the dating world, AND it’s good to know what women are seeking/drawn to as well. From there we can engage in healthy dialogue.
Take care,
Adam
I find at age 50, the main thing I like about this age, as well as my place in life, is that I do not have to play the games most of us have played when we were younger. You guys remember the , “I’m going to the mall to look at/ buy dresses, want to go? “, and off we went like puppies, knowing we didn’t give a hoot about the mall, and especially not dress buying! Lol.
Although I have always been an alpha male type , I have played this type game hoping for ” the score.”
But now, I will gladly state, ” Enjoy the mall, and when you buy the dress, purchase some lace panties so I can watch you wearing it knowing your looking sexy on the outside, as well as on the inside! ”
This makes us both happy, because in the end, we both ” score! ”
I believe what was written above is completely true. It matters that the man has accomplished something he can be proud of as he reaches into his mid life. If this has not been fulfilled, well, he won’t exude the confidence which, if I understood the ladies words correct, is sought after and found as sexy. Each man will come into their fifties wondering, “Who the hell is that guy in my mirror?”, and ” What the heck are you talking about, the Blues Brothers movie was out about 12 years ago…Tops! “. Loll.
I guess we just need to be happy, or at least content, that we have made it here, and do all we can to push it down the road a ” lot ” further, with all the gusto and excitement we can.
And just to be clear, the Blues Brothers movie DID come out 12 years ago….the guy in the mirror confirmed it! 🙂
To all of us 50 and older, gentleman… Good Job!
Thank you for posting what others are afraid to speak. Too many men these days have lost their self confidence due to job loss, early retirement and lack of purpose. With mounting stresses left on wives it can be overwhelming to build their confidence all by ourselves. This is a great article highlighting areas we can build on to help our man feel sexy once again.
Carla,
Thanks for contributing your thoughts. I agree, we must support our partners in feeling sexy. Yes, it comes from within, yet it also is a collaboration, a co-creation.
Thanks again,
Adam
I like what Sandy says in her essay. I like to think that I am constantly striving for those 6 characteristics. However, from a man’s point of view, I think it is difficult to really know how my confidence is measured by others: how I walk, my general body language? I am not sure if I am considered confident while walking or sitting.
Also, following up with Ran, some men have not made it to post-50 with their confidence in tact: health, bad relationships, and work issues, are among the many things that affect a man in profound ways and may manifest in bad habits and possibly depression as they reach middle-age. I am fortunate to have a stable career of which I am proud, my health, and a stable relationship. But even with that, I can’t say with confidence that I exude confidence.
But I understand Sandy and believe these to be aspirational qualities.
(Sandy, hope my writing is not a turn-off. 😉
John,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on Sandy’s piece. Yes, these ARE challenging times and the challenge is for us all (men and women) to let go of past losses and disappointments and really own who we are. Who we are isn’t our past.
Take care,
Adam