I'm Dr. Adam Sheck, and I'd like to welcome you to the "Men After Fifty" Community! Living for more than half a century on this planet is a rite of passage and I wanted to create a place where we can share our wisdom and experience to help each other and to help those who matter in our lives. As true for many "men after fifty", I've had a number of careers over my … [Read More...]

You have pegged this so very perfectly! I couldn’t agree with you more about what makes a mature man sexy. I think the passion factor is the most difficult to find. Too many guys I’ve met are just satisfied with their big comfy couches and fridges full of beer and just want someone to fit on the couch cushion next to them. I’m with you — I choose being alone over that. Thanks for writing this!
Laleh,
Glad you concur. I’m not saying that i’ve found this perfect sexy guy who has all of these traits. I’d be happy with one or two. But passion is a really important one for me. And yes, many are missing that.
Good luck finding a sexy guy!
Laleh,
Thanks for sharing your agreement with Sandy. I think it’s important for men to understand what women are seeking and the converse as well. That’s how we can engage in dialogue and TRULY get AND give what we want.
Take care,
Adam
thanks Sandy for sharing your personal idea on what makes a man sexy. I recognize that it is just opinion and doesn’t speak for any other woman than you. I do take exception to the general tone of your ideas. It strikes me that you have fallen into the classic delusion of the age that was just past…the era of you can have it all. In this case you talk about a man who takes charge/ bold but is soft in the inside, he is playful like the hormones of youth but is 50/60 years, he is confident from having lived a good life (what if it hasn’t turned out the way hoped for?), and he wants you to be the whole package (therapists tell us not to expect everything from a romantic partner). It seems to me that you are desiring a man who is just like he was in his twenties/ thirties but is 50+. We all change. Maybe by this time of life one develops the discernment that finds less than perfect, good enough. After all we all need to look in the mirror.
Hi Ran,
Thanks for weighing in on this topic. Yes, these are my personal thoughts on what makes a man sexy, but apparently, the comment above comes from a woman who agrees with my points, so that makes at least two of us.
So, you think I am delusional to think I can have it all? I don’t think it’s delusional to want a man who is bold, smart, passionate, loving and kind. I don’t know about you, but I am 56 and I’ve never felt more confident and passionate about my work and my life in general. I have tons of energy and love to have fun, even without the hormones of my twenties. I get more compliments on my intelligence, beauty and sexiness than I did when I was younger.
Is it unrealistic to expect the same in a man? I think not. Yes, we all change, and that’s a good thing. I don’t want a man who is stuck in the immaturity of his 20’s or 30’s. I want a mature, wonderful man who has learned from the hard knocks of his life ~ just like I have.
I am looking in the mirror. I am not trying to hide my age. I don’t inject Botox into my face. I exercise and eat healthy. I embrace my fifties. I am seeking a partner who is wonderful because of his flaws, not a man without any. Sorry you got the wrong idea.
Right…..ON!!!
Michael,
Sandy IS great, isn’t she?
Adam
Ran,
Thanks for your thoughtful feedback. Yes, expectations CAN put a lot of pressure on a man in the dating world, AND it’s good to know what women are seeking/drawn to as well. From there we can engage in healthy dialogue.
Take care,
Adam
I find at age 50, the main thing I like about this age, as well as my place in life, is that I do not have to play the games most of us have played when we were younger. You guys remember the , “I’m going to the mall to look at/ buy dresses, want to go? “, and off we went like puppies, knowing we didn’t give a hoot about the mall, and especially not dress buying! Lol.
Although I have always been an alpha male type , I have played this type game hoping for ” the score.”
But now, I will gladly state, ” Enjoy the mall, and when you buy the dress, purchase some lace panties so I can watch you wearing it knowing your looking sexy on the outside, as well as on the inside! ”
This makes us both happy, because in the end, we both ” score! ”
I believe what was written above is completely true. It matters that the man has accomplished something he can be proud of as he reaches into his mid life. If this has not been fulfilled, well, he won’t exude the confidence which, if I understood the ladies words correct, is sought after and found as sexy. Each man will come into their fifties wondering, “Who the hell is that guy in my mirror?”, and ” What the heck are you talking about, the Blues Brothers movie was out about 12 years ago…Tops! “. Loll.
I guess we just need to be happy, or at least content, that we have made it here, and do all we can to push it down the road a ” lot ” further, with all the gusto and excitement we can.
And just to be clear, the Blues Brothers movie DID come out 12 years ago….the guy in the mirror confirmed it! 🙂
To all of us 50 and older, gentleman… Good Job!
Thank you for posting what others are afraid to speak. Too many men these days have lost their self confidence due to job loss, early retirement and lack of purpose. With mounting stresses left on wives it can be overwhelming to build their confidence all by ourselves. This is a great article highlighting areas we can build on to help our man feel sexy once again.
Carla,
Thanks for contributing your thoughts. I agree, we must support our partners in feeling sexy. Yes, it comes from within, yet it also is a collaboration, a co-creation.
Thanks again,
Adam
I like what Sandy says in her essay. I like to think that I am constantly striving for those 6 characteristics. However, from a man’s point of view, I think it is difficult to really know how my confidence is measured by others: how I walk, my general body language? I am not sure if I am considered confident while walking or sitting.
Also, following up with Ran, some men have not made it to post-50 with their confidence in tact: health, bad relationships, and work issues, are among the many things that affect a man in profound ways and may manifest in bad habits and possibly depression as they reach middle-age. I am fortunate to have a stable career of which I am proud, my health, and a stable relationship. But even with that, I can’t say with confidence that I exude confidence.
But I understand Sandy and believe these to be aspirational qualities.
(Sandy, hope my writing is not a turn-off. 😉
John,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on Sandy’s piece. Yes, these ARE challenging times and the challenge is for us all (men and women) to let go of past losses and disappointments and really own who we are. Who we are isn’t our past.
Take care,
Adam